CHARİTY
For many
years, charities have been in the world. Charity is very significant for
humanity.Particularly , wars and natural disasters after charity has spread rapidly
around the world.Nowadays , there has been an explosion of charity in the
eastern Turkey. Three of the most successful charities are Kızılay ,Mehmetçik
Foundation,National Education Foundation.
One
successful charity is Kızılay which was born in Turkey 1868.Kızılay first named
'' Osmanlı yaralı ve hasta yardım cemiyeti''.Then developing the name of
''Hilaliahmer Cemiyeti'' in 1923.In last , ''Kızılay cemiyeti''.Atatürk named
'' Kızılay'' in 1947.Kızılay has helped our troops in the war the Osmanlı
Empire therefore very significant to our.What is the Kızılay role? For example
Kızılay helps homeless,poor,addicted people.It makes food and clothing,
beverages, fuel, tents and financial aid them.
A second
successful charity is Mehmetçik Foundation.Mehmetçik foundation was established
in 1982.It aim's disabled and veterans soldiers support to economic.Soldier is
very important for a country therefore they established this foundation.For
example Mehmetçik Foundation raise money for veterans families.
A third
successful charity name is National Education foundation which was established
in 1981.The president of the foundation is Nimet Çubukçu.It aim's are doing the
reseach in order to increase the quality of education and training,language
religion ,race and gender without regard for the social layers and every person
who comes to school age education.For example It cost to meet educational for
poor families children's.
In sum up,
charity very important for people therefore charities are increasing day by
day.There are people who will be there as long as charities.
Oh that's great:) very successful essay organisation.
ReplyDeleteyour thesis statement is very clear!
topic sentences of body paragraphs are also very clear! and your body paragraphs are rich and informative in terms of details.
your conclusion is also good.
however, there are some problems with sentence structure. I have written some of them below.
you misplaced "after" in the introduction paragraph. it should be after wars and natural disasters, ...
you also have some unfinished sentences; such as "developing name ..." you can say, its name was changed into .... .
Lastly, it became "kızılay" ...
and also try to form such sentences like that:
the aim of Mehmetcik foundation was to support disabled and veteran soldiers economically. (the structure is : the aim of ... is to do ...)
one more thing; your last sentence could be better if you write it as : as long as people exist, charities will be with them.
lastly, you may make a change in your vocabulary usage.
Instead of "in last" you can use "lastly"
instead of make clothes food .. you can use provide food, clothes.
ın sum up is also not a correct usage. "ın summary" or "to sum up".
anyway, I consider your essay in terms of content, and I can say that it's reaaly successful:)
really liked your comment!!!! I see , I realize my mistakes however the student would not be accurate:))) you're right!! It's really successful :):):)):)
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